A New Hope – and Reality

We moved to the pacific northwest almost 11 months ago. Many things drove the move, but the single largest factor was my children. My eldest was graduating 8thgrade at a school that only went to 8thgrade. She and our family had really struggled to find an education system that felt safe, academically challenging, arts focused and seemed to really understand where my child was developmentally. My younger was struggling a bit at school, we are still getting our arms around her specific learning needs.  We looked at a few options nationally and decided on a school in the Northwest. My husband loves being close to mountains, I like being driving distance to an ocean, even one that is not friendly.

I’ve felt adrift for much of the last year, task focused and moving from one urgent need or mini crisis to the next. I had many intentions for building a life here, many tourist visions, and many idealistic hopes. What I have come to terms with a bit is the reality of uprooting one’s whole life; moving from a social structure (even one that was difficult) to something totally new is exhausting. I feel as if I can barely get all the groceries, laundry and life stuff done. Much less go on a hike, or bike or visit museums.

I’m very excited to be in my new home, but I really didn’t understand the amount of energy, physical yes, but emotional even more so, that would be required from me this year. Every major goal I set for myself, I’ve either fallen behind on or abandoned all together. I’m struggling to “find” my purpose. I’ve been wholly focused on getting the children, family and house set up.

That too has not been without struggles. My elder child had a transitional year at school. High school is a transition. When I’m in a good mood, I describe to people how beneficial this skill building and social growth will be for her future adult self. At other times however, it has been devastating to watch her make mistakes and flounder. She’s struggling with all the “normal” things that 14 to 16-year-olds work through, but I never realized how much of my heart is still involved and how much I still wish I could “fix” it. Social challenges at her age are rarely helped by the intervention of well-meaning parents.

How are you?

-CM

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